So sorry..or am I?

I hate to say I have little to write about these days.  I have things to write about, I guess.

I could write about my now newly expanding list of things to do before I die. But, who wants to read about that?

I could write about the places I want to go to that I wasn't very interested in before, but do you care about that?

I could write about the amazing awakening I have felt in these past couple months and how because of the inspiration I have felt, I am forever changed. But, who wants to read about that?

I could write about the rapid pace of which this love in my life is going and possibly expose myself to your frowns of disapproval. Well, maybe not disapproval but more words of caution. Either way I could write about it and how wonderful it is and read your reactions of mock vomiting and bad movie line quotes. In my defense I could explain to you that I know what I am doing and I am a sober, mature adult and I have never been so sure of anything in this life before. But, why bother? I am not so sure you will understand.  I am almost certain you won't.

I could write about all of the plans I have for my future that didn't exist in July of this year and are becoming reality right now.  I am not talking about simple, trivial things, either. I mean big, huge, serious friggin' plans.  But again, would you tell me to go for it?  Would you tell me to pump my brakes?  Would you tell me anything at all?  Hmm...

Is it a time for a more introverted life? I don't think so. Is it time to keep more of my private thoughts to myself or share them only with the person that inspired them? Perhaps so. I don't want to have this love I have diluted or polluted with any negative thoughts.  Maybe Howard Stern's ex-wife had it right.  Maybe I need to retain some "private parts" in my life now.

Some things are for sure. I hear slow songs in my head all day long now and I have for almost 2 months. I have longing and pining during my days that I have never experienced. If I wake up in the morning and I am alone, I feel that half of me is missing.  I watch my phone waiting for it to ring or beep as if it was the television.  I can't eat.  I can't sleep.  Yet,  I have more energy than I had before.

I am in deep in this love thing.
I am going to keep this one.
I am not letting her get away.

Coincidence?

You have never felt what I feel now. If you had, you would never anger at your fellow man. You would look upon him with compassion and know the he has never felt the way you do, and that's where his ill feelings began.

I can love her and I can tell her that I love her and I do both. I love her. I tell her I love her. Sadly, the later does little justice to how I feel. Trying to put the feelings I have for her into words insults the feelings because the words simply do not exist. So, until a better batch of words is spawned, I will use the ones I have at my disposal to try to tell her I love her and hope my feelings can forgive me for the insult.

Coincidences are events that we were blind to see until we got to a time when it became peculiar for us to see them. So, when it became peculiar, we saw them and we were AMAZED at the depth of the coincidence. I have so many coincidences in my life that I cannot even fathom their source or their purpose other than to reinforce things that I already know to be true. We are connected to other people on this planet, this I know. I never had any idea how deeply we can be connected. Now, I cannot believe how connected I am. It is marvelous and terrifying. It is exciting. With my sober eyes wide open, it blows my mind that I experience so many similarities and coincidences. Incredible, it is.



Souls are on the inside. Too bad for her, I can see her beautiful, beautiful inside just by gazing into her golden eyes. She's ravishing and captivating with nothing more than a glance, but upon a little deeper inspection, I have found that I can look right into her core. Right into her soul. It is an amazing, incredible (here's another example of where existing words just don't cut it) thing. She had me at hello but will keep me forever with nothing more than just being herself. Remarkable, indeed.

Fear is scary and destructive. But, to confidently live without fear is either naive, excessively hopeful, or maybe the way God intended. Or is it all a matter of trust? I guess maybe it is all of the above all wrapped into one. Certainty about our places in our lives is difficult, if not impossible to obtain. Knowing that no matter what turn of events our lives may have you do not ever want to be without a certain somebody else is powerful, powerful stuff. Unreal. I am going with God and trust on this one. He knows the right way because I know that I can sometimes be a fool. Also, He led me here, didn't he?

I think in this life I have pissed and moaned for a long time that I wanted the perfect relationship. I wanted the perfect love. I prayed for it. I begged God to let me have it. Then, after years of very little or no response, He gave it to me. He gave it to her too, as she was asking for the same thing I was. Just like that it happened. BAM! God is giggling at us now because we barely have big enough cups on our insides to contain all of this feeling. God is laughing because we are in our 30's and running around like we were 16 again. God is laughing at me because I was sure I could handle any strong positive emotion He gave me, and now I spend some of my time like a deer in headlights. God bless you, God. You started this and it is amazing. Thank you.

May the wells of our hearts never run dry or even low. If they do, may I have my true one there to refill mine from time to time. May she ask me to so the same to hers.

May my life continue down this road of which it has begun. Maybe at some time the road will become chocked full on peril and if or when it does, may her and I both have the strength to grit our teeth and stab the gas pedal to the floor and drive right into the fire without fear or doubt.

May the story of my life with her continue to be a fabulous adventure as it has proven to be so far. Make NO mistake. These ARE the good old days. These are the best times of my times. These are the greatest adventures I have ever known.



We saw an eagle together, her and I. Then, we saw another. I suppose this was God's way of making sure we got the message?

Some Native Americans have beliefs about eagles.
The eagle's elements are water and air.
The eagle teaches us:
Ability to see the highest truth or highest viewpoint
Connection from earth to sky symbolising balance
Spiritual energy
That we have the ability to reach great heights when we find the courage to do so

Let us fly truthfully, awake and to the highest point. Let us never look back. Let us use our courage to fly right into the flame even if it burns our wings a little. Let us be not afraid.

Love is grand.

Tripped?

"...You will find a fortune, though it will not be the fortune you seek. But first, first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril, mm-hmm. You shall see things...wonderful to tell...oh, so many startlements. I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has...vouchsafed your reward.

Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation." Oh Brother Where Art Thou? Joel & Ethan Coen.

A new day. A sunrise. A smile.



What is it with this thing called life? Ha. It is a peculiar thing, indeed.

I love my life. I wasn't sure how much I loved my life up until the last couple months reminded me. This is fact: Despite my whining (sometimes constantly..lol), I have a great life. I have great people in my life. I live very, very well.

I had forgotten about the good things in this world. I had forgotten about gratitude. I had forgotten. It is good to remember!

So into another new chapter! Yay!



Some things to be said about me. I am a person that bores easily. Keep in mind that I am rarely snagged or captivated for long. I am a person that is uber fussy about who, what, when, why and where is in my life. I am also a sober person, so I am not distracted or confused by chemicals in the decisions I make. I am not a bar scene dater and I will not date people from the bar scene, so there is no false personalities present in the people I date. I also have a huge bullshitto meter and can usually smell lies, deceit and more or less any other suspicious behavior in about the first fifteen seconds of a person's company. I trust my instincts in my relationships more than I ever have since they have proven again and again to be right. So, I keep things real. I live in reality.

I boldly proclaimed for the past many years that there is no way I would ever get married again. Even when I was still married I constantly said how if I became unmarried somehow that I would never do it again. Now, I am not so sure.

I brashly stated how I would never even consider having kids again because "I don't want to be 40 and changing diapers." Now, I wonder if it would really be so bad? I mean, isn't family really all that there is to this life?




I have never believed in "love at first sight." Well, until now. Now I consider it to be the most natural thing ever, but only in this one case.

I know that I have made a rather large emotional investment. But, I am not afraid. Well honestly, for the first time ever I am not afraid. If things don't work out, I am still alive and awake. I have had the most wonderful time. I have remembered what is it like to fall. It is magical and wonderful and much better than I thought it could it be. I have remembered how much fun it is to share with another person when it is returned. I have been reacquainted with the idea of somebody that is truly as into me as I am into them. Ta-friggin-da!

My head can't talk my heart out of it. I am in love. And, it is grand. How friggin' cool is that?

A new day. A new era.

Here I go again embarking on a journey that some men that aren't me have succeeded.

I am single again. I know it comes as a shock to some of you since my most recent girlfriend had a shelf life of almost 1 1/2 years. (As a side note, she is a really great person. I mean her no ill will and no disrespect. We just weren't made for each other.) But, it is over. So, onward I go into the great (or not so great) unknown. It is time to walk the walk. It is time to talk the talk. It is time to dance the dance. It is the time for leaping buildings in a single bound. I really need to work on my ab's. Damn.

I have many theories about dating. I have had plenty of time to think about it and the pros and cons. I know that the timing of this breakup wasn't ideal. We could have held on through Halloween and Thanksgiving. Her and I looked good together and we took nice pictures. Then, we could have broken it off before Christmas and both saved some nice coin on presents and simplified our holiday travel plans. But, it wasn't meant to be that way. No, I am in dating limbo. I have officially been single for 3 1/2 weeks. So, in the view of single women, perhaps that isn't long enough to be dating again. I don't really disagree with them except for one thing: I am really bored now.

Aside from that, there really is no sense in starting a new relationship until after Thanksgiving at the earliest. That way neither my newest soon to be ex-girlfriend or I will have to spend much for each other's Christmas gifts. If I could make it until the first of the year, then I might as well wait until after Valentine's Day. So much to think about...

Really, though, were do I begin? Since I am a non-drinker I really don't like hanging out in the bar to try to meet somebody. So, what to do? Do I do the online dating thing? I mean, I see the people on the commercials that "aren't actors" and look normal and really happy. Did it seriously work for them? Is the happiness and excitement in their gaze only because they were finally able to hook up and quit paying for the damn service? Ha. Perhaps. I see in most of those commercials it says match on this date and married on this date. Is that really everyone's ultimate goal? To get married? I think most divorced people would agree that the whole "until death do us part" thing really gets you nowhere even with a lot of wishful thinking. It's a scam.



I don't think I am cool enough for the single women of today. Don't get me wrong, I know I am witty and at least average looking. It isn't that. What I don't get are all the unwritten dating "rules" that people seem to abide by but nobody knows who created. Do you want examples? Okay.

If you get a message from a chick and you can see that she's online and she can see that you're online, what do you do knowing that she can tell if you read the message?
Do you:

A. Log out and not read the message.
B. Read the message but under no circumstances respond right away.
C. Read the message and respond right away if you want.

I would pick "C" all day long every day. Why piss around and waste time? I'm not getting any younger, you know? I could drop dead whilst waiting to look "cool."



How about this? You find somebody that you think is interesting, so you message them. Do you:

A. Make some cheesy comment about some physical attribute of theirs or the weather?
B. Ask a question about something in their profile that interested you?
C. Write some random sputtered fragmented sentences that have little or nothing pertaining to the person? The more random the better.

This is a trick question, since they are all wrong answers. I have failed with all of these attempts in the past. With "A" I got a comment of how she was sure I just copy/pasted this from my last 20 girls I messaged. The was WAY off base since I really only messaged her and I was only very cautious about my comments because of the response I got from "B." With "B" girl, she had a very interesting hobby. I asked her about her interesting hobby and I got about a four word annoyed sounding answer with the attitude of "What could you possibly want to know about THAT for?!?" Also, "What am I being interviewed?" Well, if you don't want people to ask about your own hobbies, take them out of your profile. I did have a little success with "C." I got a few more friendly messages out of my "C" answers, but after a couple messages up and back, I got the dreaded "you're weird" and "you're too high strung for me." So...what to do?



So, here I am. Back at square one. But, I am dusted off. I am not nearly as determined as I am persistent. I think a single person in this small community will have a challenging time finding somebody they are really interested in. There probably is the potential to be a little interested in about 2% of the available single people. Then, you throw in a non-drinker, non-smoker for me and that removes about 97% of the remaining people. Then, you add my other ridiculous criteria like "must speak and write in complete sentences" and "must have a job" and "must be trustworthy" and that eliminates about 95% of the people remaining. Wait...there isn't anyone left.

Oh well. A wise man once said "If sheep could only cook."

It was a good day....

I bought this today:





It is a 1931 Ford 2 door sedan (Tudor).

This thing is really clean and really complete. I also scored a V-8 flatty, 4 speed tranny, some rims, and a juice brake front axle for it.

[basks in your envy]

My daughter and I drove 342 miles round trip to get this. She packed us a lunch and was hilarious in the car. She's so great!

It was a good day.

We need you.

A friend of mine directed me to this quote yesterday. Sadly, this is the state of our country right now. What a vision Alexander Tyler had.

"A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largesse from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits the public treasury with the result that a democracy always collapses over lousy fiscal policy, always followed by a dictatorship. The average of the world’s great civilizations before they decline has been 200 years. These nations have progressed in this sequence: From bondage to spiritual faith; from faith to great courage; from courage to liberty; from liberty to abundance; from abundance to selfishness; from selfishness to complacency; from complacency to apathy; from apathy to dependency; from dependency back again to bondage."

I see both major political parties in this country are going to be spending record amounts of money (due to the new legislation that removes limits on donations) in the next couple months to persuade you to vote for their candidates. It should be just another exercise in wasted money.



I would say that both major political parties in this country are so focused on pointing the finger at the other that they have lost sight of why their job is important in the first place. They work for us, remember? The federal government is spending our children's future earnings right now. We need to do something about it. They need to be stopped.

There is NOTHING that is free in this world, but still many Americans think that there is. Being a responsible adult and living in this world is expensive. We need to remember that fact and get used to paying our own way (just like our parents and their parents did) for what we need.

This isn't about political party. It isn't about class, race, creed or status. This is about our future success as a country. We need to protect our own future. It is our job to pick officials to run the government that are sensible and competent.

WAKE UP, AMERICA! Get your eyes on the big picture. Protect your future with candidates that advocate good long term financial decisions, not with short term government funded patches on previous poor decisions. Protect your children's future by voting in government officials that have a deficit reducing budget and stick to it.



We need to get our votes out this fall. We need real change in the way our government does business. We need less government spending and more personal financial responsibility. We need some people with common sense to get voted into office before a professor somewhere is writing about us and how great our way of life was. Yes, that's right: WAS.

This is our country. Let's make sure some greedy politicians don't ruin it for us.

Sort much?

I sort food. I don't really mean all food. But, I sort some food. I do.

I thought for the longest time it was just part of my OCD behavior that I spent some time sorting. I spoke with a friend of mine about my sorting tactics and he admits that he sorts food, too. Maybe it isn't just me? Or, is he OCD, too? Hmm. Can you tell who is nuts in this world if you only ask people that are also nuts? I wonder...

I sort jellybeans. I takes me all sorts of time to eat jellybeans since I cannot stand the mixed up taste they have if you just dump a fistful into your mouth. I watch many people do it, but I cannot seem to. I watch others devour the jellybeans in a "NOM, NOM, NOM" fashion, but it just isn't me. It's icky. It is especially icky with gourmet jellybeans that have more flavor than the usual generic cheapies. So, I sort them all out by color. I pick out any deformed ones. I pick, group, and organize them all. I group them into twos or threes. Then, I finally eat them. It is a long process.




I suppose sorting jellybeans isn't really that strange. But for me, it doesn't stop there. I sort M&M's by color. I know they are supposed to all taste the same, but I still sort them. I cannot help it. I give myself reasons for doing it as justification. I tell myself that the artificial colors taste different. I tell myself that you are supposed to sort them by color. I tell myself they just look better when you are eating them when they match. Right.

I sort Mentos. I don't know why. I have mostly given up on them since I can't effectively sort them without removing them from their sleeve and after I remove them from their sleeve and sort them, there is no easy way to carry them around.

I sort my Altoids many times by their shape. Then, I close the lid and put them in my pocket and they get all mixed up again. [sighs] I sort.



I don't like mixing foods. It just seems wrong in most cases. Individual foods deserve some solitude. They deserve their own time to shine. They aren't spices or seasoning existing only to compliment other foods even though they may have spices or seasoning in them. They have a larger existence than that. They are their own planet in the universe of the plate. They deserve better then to be ramrodded into your mouth streamlined with some of their flavor competitors. They need their chance in the limelight. Focused. Uninhibited. Pure.

But then again, maybe it depends on the food.

If I am eating ham with mashed potatoes and peas, the peas immediately get mixed in with the potatoes. It is a rule. I am sorry to inform the potatoes, but they just aren't that exciting alone. They need something to give them a little pep. They need a little color. They need excitement! That's where the peas come in. They are good enough to eat alone, but frustrating and time consuming because they are slippery little suckers. Also, peas come in such a tiny little package that unless you have 5-7 in a bite, it seems like some sort of queer food rationing situation. So, they would be way easier to eat if they were stuffed in some sort of starchy, glue-like substance. This is where the potatoes come in. Using the potatoes as glue, you can group peas together to get maximum pea flavor without embarrassing pea spills or food droppings. See?!? They were made for each other. Sort of.



Mashed potatoes aren't always on the receiving end of things for me. They aren't always the glue that holds my plate together. Come to think of it, the ham/peas/potatoes scenario is the only situation that I will routinely ever mix anything into my potatoes. I don't put corn into my potatoes. I don't put green beans into my potatoes. Heck, I don't usually even put gravy on my potatoes unless the rest the meal promises to be dry turkey or chicken. I hate to pollute my potatoes with much of anything other than butter or sour cream. Or peas. Hmm.

Now, that really doesn't make any sense at all.

So, I don't mean to go off on a rant or anything...

Let us not let our hostility get the best of us. And, when I say us, I mean me.

I think the whole United States would be greatly improved if California just broke off and fell into the ocean. Or, better yet, California could leave the United States and just become their own sovereign nation.

I wouldn't feel this way if it wasn't for all the negatives the whole of the United States has to suffer through to include California in our list of states.



California is broke. They have proven that their ultra liberal lifestyle doesn't cash flow. I am not one to judge them and I couldn't care less about what they do out there, but I DO NOT want my tax money paying for their choices. The Schwarzenegger administration has done a few things to try to get California in the black again financially, but the people don't want it. They don't want to change their lifestyle because their state is broke. They don't want good deficit reduction ideas. They don't want anything other than federal money to pay for their choices. They want to spend my money and yours.

If I were a Californian and my state was broke, this ridiculous shit would drive me nuts:



http://www.twiceright.com/2010/7/6/california-moves-to-ban-plastic-bags/in/us-news/by/alex



Brilliant! Let's make the plastic bags for groceries and prescriptions a source of income for our state's government! That will solve our garbage problem! If the bags are illegal, the problem is solved! Genius! [facepalms] [facepalms again]

How about this:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/07/15/MN3T1EE9KS.DTL




Let me think...oh yeah, I remember now. YOU'RE STATE IS FUCKING BROKE! IT'S A FUCKING ROCK! A ROCK! A FUCKING ROCK! It is a rock. Why don't you spend some money lobbying and suing and pissing away state funds over a rock. Seriously, if you don't like the state rock, leave it on the ground. Leave it alone. Don't lick it. Don't eat it. Don't grind it up and breathe in its dust. Just shut up and leave it alone. It's about like raccoon poop. I don't like it. I just leave it alone. I don't know if it is harmful to me or not, but I don't lick it or eat it. I just leave it lay on the ground. Think about it.

How about this dandy:

http://www.sacbee.com/2010/07/18/2897615/schwarzeneggers-minimum-wage-fight.html





Okay. I see. You, as governor want to try to reduce your overhead. You know all the rest of America has taken a pay cut in the last couple years. Hmm. Maybe state workers could take a pay cut? That would save the state a LOT of money! Wait, nevermind. Those liberal bastards will just fight it in court and piss away more state money trying to defend their salaries. What a joke this is. YOUR STATE IS BROKE! I think California should just lay off their state employees. Seriously. A job for government in this liberal climate is the most secure job in the United States since even though the source of their paychecks can't afford them, they can still keep their job and their pay. Reality check here, Cali state employees: Everyone in America has lost money, taken pay cuts, or lost their job in this recession. Piss on you if you think your job is so important that you are immune. Piss on you all.

And...this is great:

http://www.sacbee.com/2010/07/19/2898758/sacramento-may-not-know-it-but.html#storylink=omni_popular

So..you have bedbugs. You might get a red bite, but in California, you can also get fined and sued. What the fuck?!? I quote:

"Advocates with Legal Aid of Northern California said bedbug addendums have grown in popularity, but they maintain that the pests are an owner's responsibility. "Even with an addendum, you have to prove that it's the tenant's fault," said Martha Valles, a housing paralegal, and the parasite's elusive behavior can make that difficult.



The annoying insect that can leave itchy red welts, cause psychological damage, and trigger a slew of economic and legal complications has the potential to become lethal, some experts warn."

I think the real danger of bedbugs in California is the lawsuits, not the itchy red skin and loss of sleep. Only in California. [shakes head in disgust]

I hate Jimmie Johnson. He's from California. Maybe. Well, if he isn't, he should be. I hate him anyway.




I suppose the only good thing that comes out of California is almonds. They are great. I love almonds. But, in light of the benefits to the rest of the United States, I would give up eating almonds if California would just fuck off. I suppose there are enough guys with salty nuts in their mouths out there, anyway.

U.S. President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

It was only a matter of time before true high school smack talk became the norm in the office of the President. Another milestone in poor taste for the Obama administration.

I quote:

"I talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers — so I know whose ass to kick," the president said in an interview with NBC's "Today" show."

The Presidency of the United States of America has OFFICIALLY become a scene from the movie "Idiocracy" and in its cast is the biggest idiot of all....Barack Obama.

Brilliant!

'Twould appear that common sense has kicked in? Hmm...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100531/hl_nm/us_health

Wow!?! You mean Canada's health care model DOESN'T work? Really?!?

[Rolls eyes].



Even Jesus has to facepalm after hearing about Obamacare.