Monday, July 19, 2010

So, I don't mean to go off on a rant or anything...

Let us not let our hostility get the best of us. And, when I say us, I mean me.

I think the whole United States would be greatly improved if California just broke off and fell into the ocean. Or, better yet, California could leave the United States and just become their own sovereign nation.

I wouldn't feel this way if it wasn't for all the negatives the whole of the United States has to suffer through to include California in our list of states.

California is broke. They have proven that their ultra liberal lifestyle doesn't cash flow. I am not one to judge them and I couldn't care less about what they do out there, but I DO NOT want my tax money paying for their choices. The Schwarzenegger administration has done a few things to try to get California in the black again financially, but the people don't want it. They don't want to change their lifestyle because their state is broke. They don't want good deficit reduction ideas. They don't want anything other than federal money to pay for their choices. They want to spend my money and yours.

If I were a Californian and my state was broke, this ridiculous shit would drive me nuts:

Brilliant! Let's make the plastic bags for groceries and prescriptions a source of income for our state's government! That will solve our garbage problem! If the bags are illegal, the problem is solved! Genius! [facepalms] [facepalms again]

How about this:

Let me think...oh yeah, I remember now. YOU'RE STATE IS FUCKING BROKE! IT'S A FUCKING ROCK! A ROCK! A FUCKING ROCK! It is a rock. Why don't you spend some money lobbying and suing and pissing away state funds over a rock. Seriously, if you don't like the state rock, leave it on the ground. Leave it alone. Don't lick it. Don't eat it. Don't grind it up and breathe in its dust. Just shut up and leave it alone. It's about like raccoon poop. I don't like it. I just leave it alone. I don't know if it is harmful to me or not, but I don't lick it or eat it. I just leave it lay on the ground. Think about it.

How about this dandy:

Okay. I see. You, as governor want to try to reduce your overhead. You know all the rest of America has taken a pay cut in the last couple years. Hmm. Maybe state workers could take a pay cut? That would save the state a LOT of money! Wait, nevermind. Those liberal bastards will just fight it in court and piss away more state money trying to defend their salaries. What a joke this is. YOUR STATE IS BROKE! I think California should just lay off their state employees. Seriously. A job for government in this liberal climate is the most secure job in the United States since even though the source of their paychecks can't afford them, they can still keep their job and their pay. Reality check here, Cali state employees: Everyone in America has lost money, taken pay cuts, or lost their job in this recession. Piss on you if you think your job is so important that you are immune. Piss on you all.

And...this is great: have bedbugs. You might get a red bite, but in California, you can also get fined and sued. What the fuck?!? I quote:

"Advocates with Legal Aid of Northern California said bedbug addendums have grown in popularity, but they maintain that the pests are an owner's responsibility. "Even with an addendum, you have to prove that it's the tenant's fault," said Martha Valles, a housing paralegal, and the parasite's elusive behavior can make that difficult.

The annoying insect that can leave itchy red welts, cause psychological damage, and trigger a slew of economic and legal complications has the potential to become lethal, some experts warn."

I think the real danger of bedbugs in California is the lawsuits, not the itchy red skin and loss of sleep. Only in California. [shakes head in disgust]

I hate Jimmie Johnson. He's from California. Maybe. Well, if he isn't, he should be. I hate him anyway.

I suppose the only good thing that comes out of California is almonds. They are great. I love almonds. But, in light of the benefits to the rest of the United States, I would give up eating almonds if California would just fuck off. I suppose there are enough guys with salty nuts in their mouths out there, anyway.


  1. Hey Brad - you may get your wish. According to my college geology professor in 1993; since California is on a major fault line it will someday literally fall into the ocean. Unfortunately he didn't give a timeline... - Jody

  2. I can think of more than just great almonds that come from California ;) Maybe you need to be more open minded and come see the great wonderful things California has been offering the country much longer than idiots have been in charge here (batting of the eyelashes) And just for the record, if we ever do drop off into the ocean, you had better bet there will be a few survivors and we will undoubtedly sue everyone!!!