An assertation of a life lived vicariously through myself.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
I sort food. I don't really mean all food. But, I sort some food. I do.
I thought for the longest time it was just part of my OCD behavior that I spent some time sorting. I spoke with a friend of mine about my sorting tactics and he admits that he sorts food, too. Maybe it isn't just me? Or, is he OCD, too? Hmm. Can you tell who is nuts in this world if you only ask people that are also nuts? I wonder...
I sort jellybeans. I takes me all sorts of time to eat jellybeans since I cannot stand the mixed up taste they have if you just dump a fistful into your mouth. I watch many people do it, but I cannot seem to. I watch others devour the jellybeans in a "NOM, NOM, NOM" fashion, but it just isn't me. It's icky. It is especially icky with gourmet jellybeans that have more flavor than the usual generic cheapies. So, I sort them all out by color. I pick out any deformed ones. I pick, group, and organize them all. I group them into twos or threes. Then, I finally eat them. It is a long process.
I suppose sorting jellybeans isn't really that strange. But for me, it doesn't stop there. I sort M&M's by color. I know they are supposed to all taste the same, but I still sort them. I cannot help it. I give myself reasons for doing it as justification. I tell myself that the artificial colors taste different. I tell myself that you are supposed to sort them by color. I tell myself they just look better when you are eating them when they match. Right.
I sort Mentos. I don't know why. I have mostly given up on them since I can't effectively sort them without removing them from their sleeve and after I remove them from their sleeve and sort them, there is no easy way to carry them around.
I sort my Altoids many times by their shape. Then, I close the lid and put them in my pocket and they get all mixed up again. [sighs] I sort.
I don't like mixing foods. It just seems wrong in most cases. Individual foods deserve some solitude. They deserve their own time to shine. They aren't spices or seasoning existing only to compliment other foods even though they may have spices or seasoning in them. They have a larger existence than that. They are their own planet in the universe of the plate. They deserve better then to be ramrodded into your mouth streamlined with some of their flavor competitors. They need their chance in the limelight. Focused. Uninhibited. Pure.
But then again, maybe it depends on the food.
If I am eating ham with mashed potatoes and peas, the peas immediately get mixed in with the potatoes. It is a rule. I am sorry to inform the potatoes, but they just aren't that exciting alone. They need something to give them a little pep. They need a little color. They need excitement! That's where the peas come in. They are good enough to eat alone, but frustrating and time consuming because they are slippery little suckers. Also, peas come in such a tiny little package that unless you have 5-7 in a bite, it seems like some sort of queer food rationing situation. So, they would be way easier to eat if they were stuffed in some sort of starchy, glue-like substance. This is where the potatoes come in. Using the potatoes as glue, you can group peas together to get maximum pea flavor without embarrassing pea spills or food droppings. See?!? They were made for each other. Sort of.
Mashed potatoes aren't always on the receiving end of things for me. They aren't always the glue that holds my plate together. Come to think of it, the ham/peas/potatoes scenario is the only situation that I will routinely ever mix anything into my potatoes. I don't put corn into my potatoes. I don't put green beans into my potatoes. Heck, I don't usually even put gravy on my potatoes unless the rest the meal promises to be dry turkey or chicken. I hate to pollute my potatoes with much of anything other than butter or sour cream. Or peas. Hmm.
I am just a regular guy with a gaggle of crap rolling around in my head at any given time. I tend to sputter fragmented sentences and I am prone to bouts of profanity. I am politically motivated at times by necessity, not by desire. I have a daughter that can do little wrong. I have a fiance that loves me dearly and that has reshaped my whole world in a matter of months. I collect my random ideas at times and write them down. This blog is the product of these ideas.