An assertation of a life lived vicariously through myself.
Monday, September 20, 2010
You have never felt what I feel now. If you had, you would never anger at your fellow man. You would look upon him with compassion and know the he has never felt the way you do, and that's where his ill feelings began.
I can love her and I can tell her that I love her and I do both. I love her. I tell her I love her. Sadly, the later does little justice to how I feel. Trying to put the feelings I have for her into words insults the feelings because the words simply do not exist. So, until a better batch of words is spawned, I will use the ones I have at my disposal to try to tell her I love her and hope my feelings can forgive me for the insult.
Coincidences are events that we were blind to see until we got to a time when it became peculiar for us to see them. So, when it became peculiar, we saw them and we were AMAZED at the depth of the coincidence. I have so many coincidences in my life that I cannot even fathom their source or their purpose other than to reinforce things that I already know to be true. We are connected to other people on this planet, this I know. I never had any idea how deeply we can be connected. Now, I cannot believe how connected I am. It is marvelous and terrifying. It is exciting. With my sober eyes wide open, it blows my mind that I experience so many similarities and coincidences. Incredible, it is.
Souls are on the inside. Too bad for her, I can see her beautiful, beautiful inside just by gazing into her golden eyes. She's ravishing and captivating with nothing more than a glance, but upon a little deeper inspection, I have found that I can look right into her core. Right into her soul. It is an amazing, incredible (here's another example of where existing words just don't cut it) thing. She had me at hello but will keep me forever with nothing more than just being herself. Remarkable, indeed.
Fear is scary and destructive. But, to confidently live without fear is either naive, excessively hopeful, or maybe the way God intended. Or is it all a matter of trust? I guess maybe it is all of the above all wrapped into one. Certainty about our places in our lives is difficult, if not impossible to obtain. Knowing that no matter what turn of events our lives may have you do not ever want to be without a certain somebody else is powerful, powerful stuff. Unreal. I am going with God and trust on this one. He knows the right way because I know that I can sometimes be a fool. Also, He led me here, didn't he?
I think in this life I have pissed and moaned for a long time that I wanted the perfect relationship. I wanted the perfect love. I prayed for it. I begged God to let me have it. Then, after years of very little or no response, He gave it to me. He gave it to her too, as she was asking for the same thing I was. Just like that it happened. BAM! God is giggling at us now because we barely have big enough cups on our insides to contain all of this feeling. God is laughing because we are in our 30's and running around like we were 16 again. God is laughing at me because I was sure I could handle any strong positive emotion He gave me, and now I spend some of my time like a deer in headlights. God bless you, God. You started this and it is amazing. Thank you.
May the wells of our hearts never run dry or even low. If they do, may I have my true one there to refill mine from time to time. May she ask me to so the same to hers.
May my life continue down this road of which it has begun. Maybe at some time the road will become chocked full on peril and if or when it does, may her and I both have the strength to grit our teeth and stab the gas pedal to the floor and drive right into the fire without fear or doubt.
May the story of my life with her continue to be a fabulous adventure as it has proven to be so far. Make NO mistake. These ARE the good old days. These are the best times of my times. These are the greatest adventures I have ever known.
We saw an eagle together, her and I. Then, we saw another. I suppose this was God's way of making sure we got the message?
Some Native Americans have beliefs about eagles. The eagle's elements are water and air. The eagle teaches us: Ability to see the highest truth or highest viewpoint Connection from earth to sky symbolising balance Spiritual energy That we have the ability to reach great heights when we find the courage to do so
Let us fly truthfully, awake and to the highest point. Let us never look back. Let us use our courage to fly right into the flame even if it burns our wings a little. Let us be not afraid.
I am just a regular guy with a gaggle of crap rolling around in my head at any given time. I tend to sputter fragmented sentences and I am prone to bouts of profanity. I am politically motivated at times by necessity, not by desire. I have a daughter that can do little wrong. I have a fiance that loves me dearly and that has reshaped my whole world in a matter of months. I collect my random ideas at times and write them down. This blog is the product of these ideas.