More good ol' Barry...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_gulf_oil_spill_bp_moving_on

"By the fall, there was talk that the crisis wasn't as bad as feared and that the Gulf might recover sooner than expected. Then soaring oil prices came to the company's rescue, boosting its bottom line..."

It's truths like this that make the President going on TV saying he's looking for "asses to kick" ridiculous. Seems our government's involvement in "safer and environmentally friendlier" drilling methods via lack of drilling permits and drilling bans actually rewarded BP. Since the drilling ban and limited issuance of permits, crude oil prices have soared and this is directly making billions of dollars of profits for all oil companies including BP. So, at the rate they are at, BP will have recouped ALL losses from the lost Horizon rig within a few years. Sure makes Obama's "ass kicking" monetary fine to "teach BP a lesson" seem silly, yes? Did the Obama administration know that BP was going to be making huge money this year? Well, they are foolish at best if they didn't. Free markets are controlled by supply and demand. If the government hinders the supply, prices will increase because of increased demand. Was this an under the table deal? Who knows? One thing is for sure, though. Pretty tough to keep blindly following the Obama way when it is constantly wrought with failure, lack of foresight, outrageous spending, and lack of understanding of simple economics.

If anyone wants to complain about high gas prices, they should be thankful they voted for Obama (if they did). If you are an Obama supporter, you are now just beginning to get what you wanted so badly. Also, in the next few years with increased taxes, reduced value of the dollar, and drastically higher food costs, you will get another full serving of Obama goodness.  I suppose I should also mention the lack of private sector economic growth we will have in this country due to the passage of Obamacare.

Hats off to our government. Bang up job on "kicking asses," Barry.  You really showed BP who's boss.

What do we need?

I recently traveled to New Zealand from my home of fabulous Minnesota, U.S.A. People told me before I left that this was "the trip of a lifetime" and that I would come back "a changed man." I hate to admit that they were right, but they really were. It was an amazing trip. I did come back a changed man in many ways, so the people were right.

After my beautiful fiance and I landed over there, I relearned a few things that I had forgotten. I was exposed to ideas that I hadn't considered for many years. My eyes were closed when I left, but upon departure from that lovely little island, I felt like my eyes were open for the first time in years. It was a good feeling. It was grand.

I decided to write about one of the quirky things I realized whilst on said adventure.

Being without a mobile phone is scary, but liberating. To be completely honest with you, I haven't been without a mobile device of some sort for years and years. I would guess that I have had one with me since they were first available in my area of Minnesota. I suppose it was the early 1990's. I never really knew what life would be like without it. I have been a long time defender of my many reasons for having it near me at all times. I think we all have reasons, don't we? My reasons were things like that I want my daughter to always be able to reach me. Also, I am self employed, so what if something happens at work? What if they need to ask me a question? What if they have an emergency? I think these are not outlandish reasons to carry a phone, by any means. Aside from that, in the last few months I had upgraded to a "smart" phone not realizing that this one "smart" step would slide me further into mobile phone reliance than any step prior. I think it may have made me more reliant on mobile service than all other steps in that direction I had taken up until this point. It is am amazing little device. It has fast internet. It has GPS with phone numbers for your destination built right in. It has the ability to play music, stream live internet music, and text at the same time. It is, in a word, incredible. It is a curse. I think it is a very bad evil.

This reliance on mobile service has it's very own drawbacks. Before I left on my adventure, I called my mobile provider and I asked them about service options internationally. I was assured that my phone would work as normal, but that it was much more expensive to use it in a foreign land. Fine. I thought that was okay as long as it worked as it did here in the U.S. When we landed in Christchuch, New Zealand, I wanted to call my daughter and tell her that we were okay. I tried, but I couldn't call out. I had service bars, but no luck. What the heck? So, I went back into the airport again to ask the good people at the help counter for advice or tips. They told me to buy an international SIM card and then my phone should work as good as normal. I though about it and remembered that the customer service representative I spoke to with my mobile provider had said something similar to that, too. So, I bought one, I went outside, and I tried to install it. I didn't realize that my new phone doesn't use a SIM card like my old one did. It wouldn't work. There was no place to put it. Crap. My bad. I went back in and asked the help counter people for a different idea since the SIM card plan was a loser. They told me to try an international calling card. It seemed logical, so I bought one. I went outside to try to call home, but still was unable to. Now, instead of it being a parts problem, it was a service provider problem. At this point, I spent about $100 trying to call home and hadn't been able to. My fiance was supremely patient with me as I melted down. I didn't curse, swear, or rant. But, I am sure by this point my face was flushed and my blood pressure was about 300/200. What was I going to do? There was no going home. What if there was an emergency? What if something happens? How will anybody reach me? How will I reach them? I panicked. I was scared. I felt naked.

This was the beginning. It was a blessed thing.

As time passed on our trip, I accepted that I didn't need to check my email each and every day as I had become accustomed to on my mobile phone. I had no need for Facebook and I kept living even if I didn't see what so and so's latest status update was. I realized that I didn't need to talk to people at home on and off over the course of the day to survive. I realized that I didn't always need to be reached for questions. I mean, I was on vacation, right? Sure, I missed my family and child, but I knew that they missed me too and that was comfort enough. Realization is a good thing, right?

My realization was followed with a strong bout of self loathing. I was fully disgusted with myself. I had the full range of emotions. I validated my phone use to myself. I tried to sell it to myself and portray the idea that MY life was SO important. Doing this, I was justified and smug. Soon after, I was sad for losing the freedom to be just "gone." I felt weak that I relied on a nameless, faceless service in my every day life. Even later, I became angry with myself. What had I become? Seriously. Do I really need that? Do I need mobile service?

I hate the idea that the mobile phone company owns me for about $90 per month. I hate the idea that I might walk down the street with my eyes on a electronic device and miss something beautiful in nature. I hate the idea that not only can I be reached everywhere, but the mobile service provider ALWAYS knows where I am and I have given them that ability of my own free will. I wonder how valuable a skill such as mobile device operation ability would be without electricity? How about without functioning mobile service towers? What good is that gizmo, then? It there an "app" that lights a campfire so I can cook my food? Can I survive in the woods with my phone and nothing else? Does it really have anything to teach me that's valuable? Is there an "app" that has any value without the service? Sorry, but I don't think so.

My fiance bought maps of New Zealand before we left from the States. I thought they were great to look at and plan our drives and adventures, but when it came to the actual travel, I was sure I would use the GPS built into my phone to navigate us safely and quickly. Boy, was I ever wrong? Bless her and her maps for reminding me that just because something can be done a certain way, doesn't mean that it can ONLY be done that way.

I had also assumed that I would be able to listen to internet radio the whole time when we drove in our rental car. I was wrong again, and thank heavens for it. My fiance and I played a name game in the car off and on for a couple days. We told stories of our pasts. We talked about deep, interesting things that I think most people are too scared or too detached to talk about. We spoke of our hopes and our dreams. We spoke about our future and what it might hold. Sometimes we spoke. Sometimes we drove in silence and took in the full view of the scenery. Either way, it was absolutely liberating and wonderful.

As it all turned out in the end, I was able to text my friends and family in America now and then and they could call me, but I couldn't call them. That's simple enough. After a few days, I began to not really care at all about the grocery list of voicemails I had that I couldn't hear or respond to. I was able to speak to my daughter for a few minutes here and there to tell that I was having fun and missing her. I spoke to my parents for a little while to check on the rest of my family. I was relieved a little. I lived. I survived. I was fine. I was healthy without mobile service convenient and at my fingertips. Without my cell phone, the world still turned and our lives continued. It was a great revelation. Who would have thought?

Okay.

I am trying, okay?

I returned from the most life-changing adventure on Feb 26.  I am trying to get back into the swing of things some and dedicate some time to write about it.  It needs to be written about. I want to spray out some words and pics about it. I need to.

Anywho, one of these days, I promise to post pics and words.  One of these days.

I think the hardest thing about returning from a long, sensational vacation is the harsh realization that I don't enjoy my day to day life working NEARLY as much as I enjoy my day to day having adventures.  Career change for me?  Probably not.  Different perspective on life?  Certainly.

I am sure of a couple things. We are small and insignificant in this world.  Our time here in this life is short, violent, and grossly unimportant on the scale of Earth and the world.

I am so blessed to have Amanda to share my time with.  I love her.

Ring, ring goes the phone.

I hate my home phone. 

I like the idea of a home phone since the service is super reliable and normally unaffected by weather and whatnot, but I do not like the expense of having it.  I wouldn't have it if it wasn't for internet. 

In my town, Mediacom is the cable internet provider.  Unfortunately for me, even though I am in city limits they do not provide service on my block since I am the only residence.  Well, they will get me service, but only if I agree to pay to have them run the cables.  That's pretty much out of the question.

I should back up.

In 2007, I got divorced.  Since I got divorced, I have switched my home phone number six or seven times.   Each time I have done it, I have made my number unlisted.  Also, I am on the "Do Not Call" list.  The main reasons for these switches is that my ex wife has a multitude of collection agencies after her at any given time and even though she hasn't been a resident at my house for almost four years, they still constantly call looking for her.  Daily.  Last year I was still getting twenty to twenty five calls a week for her.  These days, it is more like fifteen or so per week.  Either way, I called the phone company today because I have had enough.

I asked the nice lady at Century Link (my phone provider) how I could be getting these calls since I AM on the "Do Not Call" list and my number is also unlisted.  Clearly, I told her, the problem lies with their company because they are the only ones that know I have this phone number.  She said that there really isn't anything that she can do for me other than try switching the number again.  Or, she told me,  for an additional fee I can block up to twelve numbers.  I guess she doesn't realize that I don't have numbers to the collection places or telemarketers.  If I did, I would call them a hundred times a day until they left me alone.  So, a mostly useless suggestion.

Back to why I called them in the first place.  I hate that I have a home phone.  Where I live, it is less expensive to have a home phone and compliment that service with DSL than it is to just have the DSL.  Go figure. 

So, I decided today that I would call and get information on getting my internet service through my cable provider which is Dish Network.  They usually send me a couple letters in the mail each year boldly proclaiming that they can save my "MEGA MONEY" by bundling my television and internet services together. 

I found one of my old bills from Dish Network and called customer service.  About eight minutes of computer menus later, I got a real, live person and he refused to tell me about their program.  He refused.  He would NOT tell me because since I am already a Century Link internet customer, so anything he could quote me may not be a solid rate.  So, he told me to get the rate, I need to call Century Link and cancel my service.  Then, I can call Dish Network back and they can set me up.  I asked if I would be saving money in doing this?  He said he didn't know. 

I hung up the phone and called Century Link back.  I got a nice woman that had the title of "Internet Specialist" on this call.  I asked her about the package programs that they have with Dish Network.  She told me that they don't do any business with Dish Network anymore.  She said that they have switched to Direct TV since the program was better.  I told her that I just got off the phone with Dish Network and the service representative there just told me that he could bundle his Dish Network programming with Century Link DSL and save me some money.  She told me that she had no knowledge that Dish Network could do that anymore. I said thanks and goodbye to her.

This is getting me nowhere.

I called Dish Network back and figured I would try to just tell them that I want to establish new service so I could at least get a rate idea.  So, I did.  The nice customer service representative I had this time quoted me rates that I thought were okay.  I asked her if Dish Network does all the billing for this.  She said no.  She told me that Century Link would bill me separately from them.  I asked her if there would be an access charge from Century Link.  She said that she didn't know, but that I would have to call Century Link and find out.  I said I already called Century Link and they said that they don't do business with Dish Network anymore.   She asked if I was already a Century Link DSL customer.  I said yes, but I want to consolidate these services into one bill and do away with my home phone.  She got a little angry with me as if I was wasting her time and said that if she would have known that I was already a Century Link customer, she would not have quoted me anything.  She informed me that any rate quote she had given me was null and void.  She said she could not help me, but if there was anything else she could do for me today, just let her know.

[facepalms]

[facepalms again]

So, I called Century Link back and spoke with another "Internet Specialist."  This time, though, I asked her what speed my current DSL was.  She told me it was 1.5M.  I asked her how much more money it would be to go to their fastest service (10M).  She told me less than five dollars per month.  I told her to do it.

I don't know how it all came to this.  I didn't get rid of my home phone and the harassing calls from collection agencies and telemarketers.  I didn't reduce my monthly bills at all.  In fact, I raised my monthly bills.  I spend over two hours on the phone trying to get answers for questions that are, to my knowledge at this time, impossible to answer.

So, we are better off outsourcing customer service in this country?

We ALL want something...

This was forwarded to me by a friend.  I don't know who made it, so it is possible and likely that I am pissing somebody off.

It pretty much sums up almost anything I can think of. 

It's true.  We ALL want something.

No animals were injured or eaten in this post.

The Second of June.

The second of June. 

I don't know if it is "blue car syndrome" or not.  Blue car syndrome would be after you buy a blue car, then you notice that EVERYONE seems to have a blue car.  Before you had a blue car, though, you never paid any attention to them.

June 2.
Yesterday, I was reading in the reading room (the bathroom) "Wolves of the Calla" by Stephen King.  The line I read was this. "The second of June."  That was the complete sentence.  Then, instantly following it was a knocking on the reading room door.  Who was knocking?  My beautiful fiance with her June 2nd birthday.

dos Junio

Last night my fiance and I were hanging out in the garage and I was looking through some boxes of old stuff from when I was a kid.  I found my eighth grade diploma from St. James Lutheran School.  I looked at the date on my diploma, and it was June 2, 1988.

June 2nd.


In another box in the garage last night I found my fishing license from the last year I went to Canada fishing with my family.  This was something that my family did together for a few years, but when my brothers and sisters and I started getting older, it became more difficult to go, so as a family we were never able to go again.  The date of issue of my fishing license was June 2, 1987.

The 2nd of June.

I noted this date quite a bit in the last few months and it seems to be a date for me that is evident in my life very frequently.

June 2nd happenings with their respective years:

1692 – Bridget Bishop is the first person to go to trial in the Salem witch trials in Salem, Massachusetts. Found guilty, she is hanged on June 10.

1835 – P. T. Barnum and his circus start their first tour of the United States.

1886 – U.S. President Grover Cleveland marries Frances Folsom in the White House, becoming the only president to wed in the executive mansion.

1896 – Guglielmo Marconi applies for a patent for his newest invention: the radio.

1924 – U.S. President Calvin Coolidge signs the Indian Citizenship Act into law, granting citizenship to all Native Americans born within the territorial limits of the United States.

1980 - The birth Amanda Rae.  The love of my life. 

I will keep a watchful eye on this date.  Or, maybe I won't.  Is it all coincidence?  Probably not.

Tick.

Lead, follow, or get out of the way."  --Thomas Paine

I did some thinking this morning while running.  The quote "Lead, follow, or get out of the way" has a lot of merit.  It's not too shabby of a guideline, is it?   It is maybe a little brash, but it does drive home a fine point.

There is a finite amount of time for us on this planet.  No matter what course of action you take in this life, time still passes.  Time still passes if you want to take things very slowly.  Time passes if you want to speed through things very quickly.  Time still passes even if you decide to put off making a decision on a course of action.  Nothing stops time.

So, there it is.  Lead, follow, or get out of the way.

We have things to do.  We have goals to achieve.  We have life to live.  Tick tock.  Time just keeps rolling by.

In our lives, the people around us can show us how they would live.  They can show us how they would do things.  They can lead us down the path that they would take.  "Follow me!"

The others in our life can follow us.  They can do things how we would do them.  "Get behind me!"  Ha.

If the people in our lives cannot choose one of these courses of action, they should just get out of the way. 

Time is wasting.  My time is precious.  I don't have time to waste on a dead end road.  I don't have time to waste on unhappiness.  I don't have time to waste on indecisiveness.  I don't have time to waste on a tree blocking the road.  I don't want to miss out on  a minute of happiness because of an hour of despair.

So, lead, follow, or get out of the way.  I am going to lead, or you show me how.  But, if you aren't doing anything at all, get out of my way.

"Hey ho, let's go! Hey ho, let's go!" - Blitzkrieg Bop - The Ramones

No Exit Needed.

"I've got arms,
And I've got arms
Let's get together and use those arms!
Let's go!
Times a wastin'!"
Time's A Wastin'  (June Carter Cash)

In a time of uncertainty and chaos in the world of life and relationships I have asked somebody participate in a very old tradition with me.  I have done what I said I would never do again.  Ever.  I have asked a woman to be my wife.  I asked a girl to marry me.  And, she accepted.

                                                    
With the divorce rate in this country hovering at a little over 51% the idea of marriage could be a frightening one.  When you factor in that the divorce rate has actually dropped a little in the past few years because people just aren't getting married anymore, it could become even more scary.  Numbers and statistics can be hard to ignore, can't they?   Does anybody really ever say "forever" and mean it?  Odds are that if you have at one time or another, there is a little better than a 50/50 chance that you will end up divorced.  Think of ten of your friends that are married and imagine that 5.1 of them gets divorced in the next few years.  That's not really very good odds, is it?  Then, when you factor in that the actual rate of people staying together for the long term is lower yet since many people aren't even bothering to get married since their confidence in the idea of it lacks luster.  Many people feel that getting married just complicates the breakup.  I think that they are right in thinking that since marriage does really complicate the breakup.  So, why get married if you are just going to split up eventually anyway?  Then again, why stay with somebody for any amount of time if you are planning on ending it someday, anyway?

                                         
What makes my relationship so special that after less than half of a year, I am willing to commit for the rest of my life?  Am I a fool?  Is she?  Are we both just dumb and in love?  Are her and I both living in an unrealistic fantasy mindset in which no matter what happens things will just magically work out?  Just because?  Do people really stay in love anymore?  Do people ever stay together anymore?  Really?  When people say "I do" do they really mean "I do for now?"  Or do they mean, "I do until something better comes along?"  Do people just keep looking to stoke the fire inside of them, and if it starts to dwindle are they ready to fly away to find a new source of fire?  Is it ego?  Is it pride?  Is it selfishness that people decide to end their relationships?

I think my relationship is different than most.  I think that her and I are different than most people.  I have left myself no exit strategy.  I have asked her to leave herself no open exit door.  For the first time in my life, I want to be married.  For the first time in my life I want this one precious person to share my every waking moment.  I look at her and I know that it is right.  I know that I want her and her only.  I want this one person to be with me, equally and beside me no matter what comes our way.  I don't want a way out with her.  I don't need to leave myself a lit exit door because I know that together her and I can conquer anything this life can bring in front of us.  I look at my parents with envy for the 46 years that they have been together and I know that they are still very in love.  I want to be the way that they are, forever.  I have found the person that I can do that with.  It is very exciting!

I know no matter what happens, she has given me the best times of my life.  There is nothing anybody can do to erase that.  There is nothing anybody can say to tarnish that.  That's why I love her and want her without holding back.  That is why I don't need a good exit strategy.  I don't need an easy way out.  I don't need any way out. 

I can't wait to be her husband.   I cannot wait to call her my wife.

Because.

In this world I think most of us, if given a choice, would take the path of least resistance.  We would never have to fight to have what we want.  Well, there are some of you out there that would disagree, but I know that when you get home at night, you're alone, and there isn't anyone for you put your super-tough-as-nails face on for, you would agree.  We all, as a species, truly want peace.  We want low stress.  It is in our nature.

In this life many times we are presented with problems and situations that not only ask a lot from us, but sometimes way more than we ever thought we have to give.  Questions arise.  Why me? Why this?

Why do I always have my neck on the line?  Because you can.  Because your neck is tough.  It has been there before and has persevered.  If it hadn't, you wouldn't be here today.

Why am I always the one who has to give a little extra?  Because you can.  It is in your abilities to give a little extra maybe at a higher level than those others around you.  You can do it. 

Why is my life always put on hold for the needs of others?  Because you are able to give more in your life than they can.  You have the gift of giving of yourself at a higher level than some other people without having your life put into an upheaval in doing it.  If your life IS put into disarray because of it, you have the ability to recover quickly.  Be thankful for that gift.

Why am I always the one that has to forgive?  Because you can.  You have it in you to forgive.  You have it in you to see past the shortcomings or unfavorable actions or reactions of others and cut them some slack even though they may not return that slack to you.  But, you know it is okay because you look at the big picture and try not to trouble yourself with the petty.

Why do things always have to be so hard?  Because God knows what you can take and won't give you more than that.  Because you can survive almost anything.  You have spent your whole life training to continue your life.  Because instead of just looking like you are tough-as-nails, although you may not feel like it, you are tough as nails.

Why does it seem like I work so hard but never get ahead?  Every day you wake up and have a roof over your head and food in your mouth, it is a good day.  If you have people to share this day with, it is even a better day.  You have gotten ahead just by getting through your day.  You are a success.  Revel in it.

What am I supposed to do now?  Breathe.  Think.  Breathe some more.  There is a path.  There is a way.  You will find it.  You have always found it before.  You will find it again.  And, this path, whether it is right or wrong, is your path.  This is the way things are supposed to go.  This is what you are supposed to do.

What if I make a mistake?  Then you are human.  If the people that are important to you can't look past it, then you need to surround yourself with people that accept you as a human.  If you fall, you get back up, dust off, and continue.  That's what you do.

What is really important in this life?  Love. God. Kindness.  Family.  Friends.  It certainly isn't houses, cars, boats, jobs or anything else that could easily be burned, destroyed, or discarded as rubbish.  The moments we share with the people that care define our lives.  That's all there is to it.

This is what was on my mind today.

Damn, it feels good...

"Now gangsta-ass niggas come in all shapes and colors
 Some got killed in the past
 But this gangtsa here is a smart one
 Started living for the Lord and I last." 
 "Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta" Geto Boys 

There is no reason to keep score.
There used to be a reason.  Hell, there used to be reasons.  Not anymore.  Now, there is just the goal. Now, there is just my life.  Now, there is reality and keeping score messes up reality.  Aside from that, what good does keeping score do other than feed resentments and hostility?  Any?  Nope.  So, never again.

Throw away that useless pride. 
Seriously, it is time, anyway.  The ten-year-old inside me can kick that dented can around all day with my lower lip sticking out, but it doesn't do any good.  In my old life, that little kid might had escalated his frustration into something else.  But, in this life there is really no point.  The little kid is safe.  The little kid is sensitive, but he's still in love.  He needs to learn patience.  It is in his best interest.  This is tough sometimes.

Just because something isn't comfortable, doesn't mean it isn't safe.
Even though at times the scared little shithead inside of me panics for no good apparent reason.  Is this part of my "ism" or is it just fear from a life lived less pretty?   I think it is both.  My old life was one of drinking, paranoia and deceit, but that really has little to do with my current life.  But, I don't have the ugly old reality of my past anymore so there is no sense is buggering up about it.  It takes a fool to spit in the face of honesty because of fear.  There have been many days that I have been that fool.  But, not today.

Live in the now.
Experience teaches us many things.  Some of them are better unlearned, I think.  Experience could teach you that if you are out of money and keep writing checks anyway, that the checks may bounce and you could land yourself into some trouble.  But, experience in the realm of relationships seems somewhat pointless.  There simply are too many variables in a romance to use the experience from your past to label it our shelf it.  See?!?  It's easy! 

I have learned scads about myself in the last 3 months.  Wow, that great handle I thought I had on my emotions and on my life is maybe not as great as I thought it was when it comes to having a relationship with the absolute intimacy and absolute honesty.  When you keep others arm's length your whole life, it is easy to run your life with a rule of seemingly rational thinking and lack of emotion.  It is easy to see the sound (yet perhaps emotionless) decisions and if they don't work out, it really doesn't matter anyway.

This life I have now has an entirely different set of rules.  So, I need to remember to brace for them.  Sit down.  Breathe.  Know that things are okay.  Have faith.  Faith is a good thing.

To quote my beautiful, wonderful and amazing girlfriend, "I am a work in progress."  She's brilliant, you know.  I AM a work in progress, too.  And, I love her.  I am not letting her go.