Tuesday, May 25, 2010

This is a good start.

Here's the scoop for today:


Too bad for the Texas Rangers. But seriously, is ANY player of ANY sport worth $252 million dollars? I have two words for you. FUCK NO.

The ridiculous prices we have to pay for gear ($85 for a jersey? IT'S A SHIRT MADE OUT OF GYM TEACHER'S SHORTS!), to watch the games at the stadium, the $9 hot dogs and the $9 sodas are ALL because of these players ridiculous salaries.

I don't care what sport they play. I don't care what position they play. There simply is no player that is worth the sort of money these people get paid.

In reality, a few of these player's excess salaries could pay off our state's budget deficit.

Do you know how many people could be fed with $1 million dollars let alone $50 million, or maybe even $100 million?

How many people's mortgages could be PAID OFF with just a small portion of that money? Imagine that economic stimulus. If we didn't have to pay for our homes, we would all spend more money on other things.

Piss on you, professional athletes. You will never get a penny from me if I can help it. I think you are incredibly talented, but I am not willing to help pay your preposterous income. Your ability to play your sport is incredible, but it is maybe only a 1 out of 100,000 type of thing. On your best day it is a 1 out of 200,000 thing. It has never been and never will be a 1 out of 252 million talent.

As a side note in regards to the professional athletes: Maybe they should consider finishing school before becoming a professional star. It seems for the most part that they could be helped a lot by some money management classes since most of them are broke a few years after retirement anyway. Just food for thought.

I suppose now there will be a government bailout for the Texas Rangers? Seriously, it would be great if they didn't get bought. It would be great it they just locked up the doors and shut the operation down. It would be terrible for the people they employ, but it might become a wake up call for the rest of the professional sports world.

Friday, May 21, 2010

All good things.

These are things that I have seen in the last couple weeks that are finally here and that are good.

1. June bugs. On the Harley, June bugs are not very good. On the Harley, June bugs are at the very least messy and usually quite painful. But, buzzing against the screen of my open window, they are good.

2. Dandelions. These are more or less the bane of my lawn growing existence. I chop them. I cut them. I mow them. I spray them. I spray them again. I curse their name. I hate them. Yet, they are good.

3. The smell of freshly cut grass. Not marijuana. Grass as in lawn. Well, grass as in somebody else's freshly cut lawn since I surely don't want to ever cut mine again. Also, mine doesn't smell as good freshly cut as somebody else's does since mine is so full of creeping charlie and dandelions (see above).

4. Sunshine. I love it. I am a pale, pale man so I get sunburned very easily, but I still love it. Also, I think since I am 36 now, I don't really need to worry about my "youthful" appearing skin, so I can stand a little color. Since I have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) I realize that every fall and winter I am going to be a little blue and much less energetic. But, each new year I am still surprised at how good the sun feels on my pale, dead-looking skin.

5. Wind in my face. This comes in many forms. Up until this summer, it came in a form of my Mustang convertible. But alas, slow economy has forced that car on down the road. Now though, I have the golf cart and my Harley that I can use to get some wind in my face. There is little like the smell of the spring unbridled by a car's interior.

6. Flowers. I know, I know it sounds a little fishy. I love fresh growing flowers. I love watching their progress as the work their way out of the dirt and sprout into a new summer bloom. It is a little gay to be a guy and like flowers, but still a good thing.
7. Corn on the cob. I love corn on the cob, but until it becomes grilling season, I never buy it. I know much of it comes from different parts of the country, but it feels fresher when cooked and eaten in the warm weather. I really prefer the sweet corn my brother grows over any other, but I bought some last week at Cub and made it on the grill. It wasn't very sweet corn, but it was still good.

8. Exhaust fumes. I know they maybe aren't the best for the environment or my body, but I like them nonetheless. I don't care for catalytic-converter high-emission standard exhaust fumes. I like good ol' dead-dinosaur-remains-falling-out-the-tailpipe exhaust fumes. Do you know the kind? They smell somewhat like cigarette smoker Listerine breath, but just a little. They smell dirty but yet clean. They smell almost medicinal. They bring a smile to my face and water to my eyes. That's right, water. Not tears.

I love summer. It is about time.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Oil's Well that Ends Well?

Since I haven't had any wild conspiracy theories lately, I thought I would come up with one.

We all know that the media is controlled by liberals. There really isn't any valid argument against it. It has been proven time and time again. Also, in using my not-very-scientific method of polling in my community I am unable to find one person that thinks the Obama administration is doing a good job. The liberal media is reporting that Mr. Obama still maintains a 45% approval rating. Sounds like hogwash to me. Either that, or most of the people I know have jobs and don't like giving all of their money to the government.

The oil leaking in the gulf has been dubbed "Obama's Katrina." Look at how the Obama administration has "handled" the oil leak in the Gulf so far. They have done NOTHING (not that they really should have the power to do anything, anyway). In regards to Hurricane Katrina, the Bush administration warned people to get out before the storm hit and sent in supplies and help as quickly as possible. President Bush was STILL crucified in the media despite making a valiant effort to help the situation. The Obama administration has done nothing in regards to the oil leak other then mock the relaxed guidelines that "his predecessors" put into place. But, supposedly (as reported by the media) the Gulf oil leak hasn't tarnished his reputation. It is laughable.

Here's the conspiring question:

Is the oil spill in the Gulf an exercise in willing governmental energy control?

I think some of the stated facts in the media in regards to the leaking oil well don't seem to add up very well. I may be an ass by writing all of this since I have had a hard time following the so-called "coverage" of the oil spill event since it seems to not only be ridiculous, but it seems very overly sensationalized. So, perhaps I am not as educated as I should be about the topic.

Al Gore and the Obama administration want to pass all sorts of pollution control (READ:cap and trade) laws to "protect" us from evil pollution in our world. Well, they really are just trying to put a pricetag on air that they can collect on. Since the attempted passage of these new rules were met with fierce public objections (because seriously, we all know it is a bunch of bullshit), what better way to "enlighten" us to their way of thinking then by allowing a pollution disaster to happen? What better way to prove that any of our current means of pollution reduction/containment are ineffective then to watch this event unfold and point fingers at some companies not only blaming them for the event, but also "proving" their inability to contain it? Gee whiz, I wonder of the federal government could do a better job of handling an oil well leaking on this scale? (rolls eyes)

They very least the Obama administration will get out of this is control of offshore drilling and strict "regulations" This isn't something he is taking. We are thinking about giving to to him. Since the parties involved with this disaster cannot seem to handle it themselves (did you see all the media coverage?!?), we just might give the government control of this situation, too. Oh yes, by the way, don't forget about the new "jobs" the Obama administration will be creating by making his very, very large government into an even BIGGER one when he pushes for legislation to monitor "stricter guidelines" for offshore drilling. Sounds like the good ol' federal government might go on another hiring binge?

The Obama administration has increased our federal deficit by $1.45 TRILLION dollars inside of his first year. This administration has spent billions and billions of dollars bailing out private business with your tax dollars. In doing these bailouts, they have LOST billions and billions of dollars of YOUR money. This administration has rammed health care down your throats and proven that we can ALL pay the government to have health care and experience higher priced care that they have excluded themselves from participating in.

Do you really want these fuckers having control of all of your energy, too? Seriously?

For those directly affected by the oil leaking in the Gulf, you have my deepest sympathy. It is a tragedy.

P.S. As a side note in regards to government health care: If I were President Obama and had ran up the largest deficit ever seen in this country, what better way to get some money back than by taxing everybody for 4+ years without giving them any sort of service for it? Sounds a little fishy to me. Also, as an employer (unless things have changed in the wording of the new law...nobody really knows yet) I can refuse to pay for insurance for my employees. I will get fined, and they don't get coverage. But, the kicker is, the fine is WAY less then paying for the insurance. So, if I was to pay a fine for not paying for insurance, how does this help my employees? If my employees aren't getting insurance, who keeps the money? Does our government keep my fine money to pay bills?

Some interesting reading:



Wednesday, May 5, 2010


I spoke to one of my friends a few weeks ago and I hadn't talked to him for a while. He, not unlike me, has felt the crunch of the slow economy. He has replaced his luxurious vehicles with able but cheaper ones, not unlike me. Him and I both live very similar lives.

In his quest for financial survival despite poor economic times, he sold his sweet truck and purchased a car that he can still haul stuff in. I was teasing him about it the other night because compared to his truck, this car is really pretty lame. In my teasing, I told him he better make sure he has new wiper blades, because the women will be throwing their clothes off at him when they see him coming (because he has such a hot ride).

He scoffed at me. He told me he really isn't that interested in sex. He told me he hasn't had sex in three months. He said he sure as hell doesn't want to risk a pregnancy over sex. He said he really doesn't even think about sex at all. He said he doesn't miss it.

He lives with his girlfriend of about 8 years.

It would seem that excess stress is the killer of the sex drive.

No wonder the divorce rate is so high.

Wednesday Morning Coming Down

This is an email conversation that started this morning between a close friend of mine and myself. He lives in Indiana. His needs advice on a pet for his kid.

The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Well, except mine since I just don't care.



From: TR
To: Brad Miller

Sent: Wed, May 5, 2010 11:05:55 AM

Subject: Gerbiling

So, do any of you know anything about gerbils? Other than "shoving them up your ass is great for ." I am not Richard Gere. Chastity and I are having a hard time figuring out what to get Gertrude for her birthday in June, and I'm thinking a pair of gerbils (preferably of the same sex, as I'm not ready to start breeding the damn things) would be good. Gertrude doesn't have any pets yet, while Lawanda does - 2 fish named Dora and Diego. Diego's all kind of fucked up - I don't think he could pull off the fish equivalent of all the amazing shit that little Diego dude can pull off, like rescuing whales and shit. Then again, I think Diego is full of shit, anyway. I will be the first to admit that I don't believe a lot of what I see on TV. I mean, where does he get all the money to support his animal adventures, and doesn't he have to go to school ever? Where can I get a rescue pack that turns into anything I need? I call shenanigans. How do you say "shenanigans" in Spanish? Anyway, I digress...

It seems that maybe small pets for Gertrude would be fun. I've already determined that gerbils would be better than a hamster because they are not solitary animals, and they are also not nocturnal, which would really be boring as hell for little people who are not nocturnal. Well, then again Gertrude tends to be kind of nocturnal at times, but we don't exactly want to promote such behavior...

Sorry, I digressed again. Anyway, any thoughts? Does anybody know if the Humane Society has gerbils? If we do this, and we get two of them, I am sure they'll probably be named Dora and Diego.

From: Brad Miller
To: TR

Sent: Wed, May 5, 2010 12:42:46 PM

Subject: Re: Gerbiling

Dude...they stink. They are a pain in the ass. Your kids will let them loose in the house. You will search for them (and seriously, one second of searching makes them not worth having). Fuck them. [Do you think we have time?]

Get goldfish. Seriously. I have had the same one in an old fashioned bowl for over 3 years now and I got it at the fair from a carny (SWEET!).

[Breaks into verse "Lord, I was born a ramblin' maaaaannnnn...."]

Relaxing to watch. Cheap.

Fish are the answer. I would get a cat before I got a gerbil or hamster just because I have seen the hell Greg went through with his. I hate cats. Fuck cats. [Do you think we have time?]

You should get a dog. Or, maybe a lion. Seriously, NOBODY fucks with a lion. You could get some deer to feed the lion and twist that into a nice Christmas theme and relish taking them to your neighbor's yard to shit.

Good luck!

P.S. If you got a large python, you could feed your lion to it if didn't work out as a good pet.

P.S.S. If you got a monkey, you could have a Indy based "B.J. and the Bear" reality television series.

From: TR
To: Brad Miller

Sent: Wed, May 5, 2010 11:49:54 AM

Subject: Re: Gerbiling

Cool, thanks for the honest advice. Maybe fucking them is the answer (assuming we have time)...

We do have the two goldfish in one aquarium already, and maybe a second one would be alright. My big gripe is that the aquarium goes well beyond our birthday budget - we try to keep it simple for Christmas and birthdays: no more than 3 gifts under $100 total. We prefer to spend all our holiday money on fireworks for Halloween. The kids also love getting mommy to show her boobs for beads on Fat Tuesday. It's a new family tradition, although I hope the cops and child protective services showing up was just a three-time deal...

From: Brad Miller
To: TR

Sent: Wed, May 5, 2010 12:57:04 PM

Subject: Re: Gerbiling

All you need is a bowl, dude. We have no electronics of any kind. We have no filtering devices. Zip. Zero. Nada. Just a goddamn bowl with a fucking Spongebob pineapple house in it. That's it. My goddamn fish doesn't need to be spoiled by lavish things.

[Breaks into verse of "Take This Job and Shove It" for no reason.]

Greg seriously had those little animals and the kids let them loose. He ended up getting rid of them (BANG!) because of the smell and the trouble they caused.

You should get your kids plants.

If you got your kids plants, you could get a monkey to trim the plants for you.

From: TR
To: Brad Miller

Sent: Wed, May 5, 2010 12:08:20 PM

Subject: Re: Gerbiling

You certainly have a lot of good ideas. Getting plants so I can get a monkey to trim them is genius (guinness?). I can tell you graduated from HL-W, home of the finest public education system in Howard Lake, Minnesota.

A bowl?!?!? What kind of life is that? Will a fish be able to truly know who they are in such an environment? I mean, granted it doesn't quite have the excitement level of being in the wild and being constantly attacked by sharks, but it seems a bit more meaningful. They can go over in one corner and look at the blue rocks, or go over the the other corner and look at the blue rocks, or maybe go up to the top and back down...


*goes off to research orangutans like in Smokey and the Bandit or Mad Max or whatever the fuck it was - Clint Eastwood kicks ass...

From: Brad Miller
To: TR

Re: Gerbiling

TR, the thing is, some of my great ideas are just that...really fucking great ideas.