When i grow up...

many people spend a lot of their lives trying to figure out "what to be" when they grow up.

when you are college age, it is a huge overwhelming decision.

what do YOU want to do...forever?  And, ever?

it took me until the fresh, young age of 36 years to finally decide

that i really don't know what i want to be.

i know that i am good at some things,

but not so good at others.

i know i have strong points and interests.

yet, i also have a plethora of weakness and disinterest.

i don't know what i want to do forever,

except that i do not want to do the same thing forever,

unless i can do or not do these things.

i do not want to work ever again unless i am in the mood.

i do not want to plan for my future.

i do not want to save money.

i do not want to worry about money or a job.

i do not want to become "presentable" or "proper" or "respectable."

i want to love my fellow human beings without resentment or hostility.

i want to see my loved ones for at least a short while each and every day.

i want to play a lot. even more than you were just thinking.

i want to go tour around the world with Amanda and Sydney,

and walk off of the beaten path all of the time.

i want to see nature the way God made it and not the way man has changed it.

i want to sleep in every day.

i want to just relax.

i want to read in the bathtub.

i want to spend about 10 hours of each day in bed,

and not feel guilty as if i need to hurry up and do something or anything.

since I don't need to go to work anyway,

my "off" time is all the time.

i could enjoy my time all of the time because i can live and breathe each moment

rather than scramble and kick and claw for a gasp

of air to breathe each moment with.

i don't want to miss anything important in this life.

i don't want to miss anything important in the lives of my loved ones.

i want to spend at least one hour of every day inside a hug from one of my loved ones.

if they aren't available i could substitute them for some other

very important person which in all reality is anyone and everyone.

i want sweet tango apples year around.

i want to carve pumpkins 2-3 times a year.

it isn't too much to ask, is it?

i think what i am really destined to be is a father and a husband.

i think i am destined to be a brother, a son, an uncle and a friend.

aside from that, the rest is all consequence.

what could be better?