An assertation of a life lived vicariously through myself.
Friday, February 26, 2010
They say hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned. I disagree. I don't think any simple person can hold a candle to hell.
In this day and age I am reminded constantly that there is no limit on what dark souled people will do. When I say dark people I am referring to people that are generally just evil. You know the type, don't you? Their lives are shrouded in darkness and they bring a raining cloud to almost every person they meet. Maybe they can put up a fake front for a while and fool a few people, but soon their dark light shines right through and they are revealed to be what they really are. They are dark. They are evil. They wish bad things on others. They try to drag others down to their level. They create stories to slander others. They are strangers to the truth if it doesn't serve them. And, in the end they are alone.
Why are they this way? Maybe they are so unhappy with their own lives that they become obsessed with causing trouble in others. Maybe they are pathological liars. Maybe they want what others have but don't want to work to get it. Maybe they scheme, plan, and plot to alter the lives of those around them for their own personal gain. Maybe it is easier for them to label others in a depreciatory or unsavory way to better themselves financially rather than work to earn or achieve. I guess it matters very little what they do. We all know the type.
I don't understand much of the time how these people do it. I guess I was blessed (cursed?) with a conscience. If I spent my time lying and fabricating damaging stories about people around me, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I don't think I would be okay battening from other people's misery. There is just no way. It seems too, that as I age I become less hateful. I become less begrudging with every passing day. I mean seriously, who has the energy to hate anyone anymore? Who has the energy to wish bad things on people at all? Maybe it is my daughter that makes me be more patient and forgiving of those around me? Maybe it is the realization that it is a lot of work to hate people? Am I just lazy? Maybe it is because I think sometimes I have done things that people could have hated me for, but they let it go and I am passing it on? I can't say.
Many people say karma can be a real bitch. Do I have some bad things coming? I don't know. When I spent a couple years drunk abusing my body and destroying my reputation I don't think I did much good to my own soul. I don't think I helped myself out too much. But, on the same token, I didn't bury myself in the destruction of others in a way that I deserve any just amount of bad karma. I think the implication that I could have been an instrument of damage or destruction of others is giving me way more credit than I deserve (READ: I just fix cars). I did try to make amends with people that I had remembered that I had wronged with great success. So, what gives?
One of these days the dark people from my past will no longer have the ability to attempt to cast a dark shadow over me. One of these days perhaps karma will bite them in their dark ass. One of these days maybe their own lives will hold enough meaning for them to concentrate on working on them and leave mine alone. One of these days perhaps they will decide that they could get on with their own life and let me get on with mine.
Until then I can always take comfort in knowing that I don't hate them. Despite it all, I still wish them no ill will. I know that things can be beyond my control and I accept that. I can continue to know that no matter what threats are made, what lies are told, and whatever actions they can muster that I did nothing to deserve this from them. I know that although their wicked intentions concern me from time to time, that they can never put out the fire in me. I know that I will not treat them in the same way they have treated me. I know there is no such thing as revenge because their actions are beneath me. Their actions are desperate. Their actions have little meaning.
That is freedom.
I am truly blessed with the people that are in my life now. Thank God for you all.
I am just a regular guy with a gaggle of crap rolling around in my head at any given time. I tend to sputter fragmented sentences and I am prone to bouts of profanity. I am politically motivated at times by necessity, not by desire. I have a daughter that can do little wrong. I have a fiance that loves me dearly and that has reshaped my whole world in a matter of months. I collect my random ideas at times and write them down. This blog is the product of these ideas.