Monday, September 20, 2010


You have never felt what I feel now. If you had, you would never anger at your fellow man. You would look upon him with compassion and know the he has never felt the way you do, and that's where his ill feelings began.

I can love her and I can tell her that I love her and I do both. I love her. I tell her I love her. Sadly, the later does little justice to how I feel. Trying to put the feelings I have for her into words insults the feelings because the words simply do not exist. So, until a better batch of words is spawned, I will use the ones I have at my disposal to try to tell her I love her and hope my feelings can forgive me for the insult.

Coincidences are events that we were blind to see until we got to a time when it became peculiar for us to see them. So, when it became peculiar, we saw them and we were AMAZED at the depth of the coincidence. I have so many coincidences in my life that I cannot even fathom their source or their purpose other than to reinforce things that I already know to be true. We are connected to other people on this planet, this I know. I never had any idea how deeply we can be connected. Now, I cannot believe how connected I am. It is marvelous and terrifying. It is exciting. With my sober eyes wide open, it blows my mind that I experience so many similarities and coincidences. Incredible, it is.

Souls are on the inside. Too bad for her, I can see her beautiful, beautiful inside just by gazing into her golden eyes. She's ravishing and captivating with nothing more than a glance, but upon a little deeper inspection, I have found that I can look right into her core. Right into her soul. It is an amazing, incredible (here's another example of where existing words just don't cut it) thing. She had me at hello but will keep me forever with nothing more than just being herself. Remarkable, indeed.

Fear is scary and destructive. But, to confidently live without fear is either naive, excessively hopeful, or maybe the way God intended. Or is it all a matter of trust? I guess maybe it is all of the above all wrapped into one. Certainty about our places in our lives is difficult, if not impossible to obtain. Knowing that no matter what turn of events our lives may have you do not ever want to be without a certain somebody else is powerful, powerful stuff. Unreal. I am going with God and trust on this one. He knows the right way because I know that I can sometimes be a fool. Also, He led me here, didn't he?

I think in this life I have pissed and moaned for a long time that I wanted the perfect relationship. I wanted the perfect love. I prayed for it. I begged God to let me have it. Then, after years of very little or no response, He gave it to me. He gave it to her too, as she was asking for the same thing I was. Just like that it happened. BAM! God is giggling at us now because we barely have big enough cups on our insides to contain all of this feeling. God is laughing because we are in our 30's and running around like we were 16 again. God is laughing at me because I was sure I could handle any strong positive emotion He gave me, and now I spend some of my time like a deer in headlights. God bless you, God. You started this and it is amazing. Thank you.

May the wells of our hearts never run dry or even low. If they do, may I have my true one there to refill mine from time to time. May she ask me to so the same to hers.

May my life continue down this road of which it has begun. Maybe at some time the road will become chocked full on peril and if or when it does, may her and I both have the strength to grit our teeth and stab the gas pedal to the floor and drive right into the fire without fear or doubt.

May the story of my life with her continue to be a fabulous adventure as it has proven to be so far. Make NO mistake. These ARE the good old days. These are the best times of my times. These are the greatest adventures I have ever known.

We saw an eagle together, her and I. Then, we saw another. I suppose this was God's way of making sure we got the message?

Some Native Americans have beliefs about eagles.
The eagle's elements are water and air.
The eagle teaches us:
Ability to see the highest truth or highest viewpoint
Connection from earth to sky symbolising balance
Spiritual energy
That we have the ability to reach great heights when we find the courage to do so

Let us fly truthfully, awake and to the highest point. Let us never look back. Let us use our courage to fly right into the flame even if it burns our wings a little. Let us be not afraid.

Love is grand.

Thursday, September 9, 2010


"...You will find a fortune, though it will not be the fortune you seek. But first, first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril, mm-hmm. You shall see things...wonderful to tell...oh, so many startlements. I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has...vouchsafed your reward.

Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation." Oh Brother Where Art Thou? Joel & Ethan Coen.

A new day. A sunrise. A smile.

What is it with this thing called life? Ha. It is a peculiar thing, indeed.

I love my life. I wasn't sure how much I loved my life up until the last couple months reminded me. This is fact: Despite my whining (sometimes, I have a great life. I have great people in my life. I live very, very well.

I had forgotten about the good things in this world. I had forgotten about gratitude. I had forgotten. It is good to remember!

So into another new chapter! Yay!

Some things to be said about me. I am a person that bores easily. Keep in mind that I am rarely snagged or captivated for long. I am a person that is uber fussy about who, what, when, why and where is in my life. I am also a sober person, so I am not distracted or confused by chemicals in the decisions I make. I am not a bar scene dater and I will not date people from the bar scene, so there is no false personalities present in the people I date. I also have a huge bullshitto meter and can usually smell lies, deceit and more or less any other suspicious behavior in about the first fifteen seconds of a person's company. I trust my instincts in my relationships more than I ever have since they have proven again and again to be right. So, I keep things real. I live in reality.

I boldly proclaimed for the past many years that there is no way I would ever get married again. Even when I was still married I constantly said how if I became unmarried somehow that I would never do it again. Now, I am not so sure.

I brashly stated how I would never even consider having kids again because "I don't want to be 40 and changing diapers." Now, I wonder if it would really be so bad? I mean, isn't family really all that there is to this life?

I have never believed in "love at first sight." Well, until now. Now I consider it to be the most natural thing ever, but only in this one case.

I know that I have made a rather large emotional investment. But, I am not afraid. Well honestly, for the first time ever I am not afraid. If things don't work out, I am still alive and awake. I have had the most wonderful time. I have remembered what is it like to fall. It is magical and wonderful and much better than I thought it could it be. I have remembered how much fun it is to share with another person when it is returned. I have been reacquainted with the idea of somebody that is truly as into me as I am into them. Ta-friggin-da!

My head can't talk my heart out of it. I am in love. And, it is grand. How friggin' cool is that?