Here I go again embarking on a journey that some men that aren't me have succeeded.
I am single again. I know it comes as a shock to some of you since my most recent girlfriend had a shelf life of almost 1 1/2 years. (As a side note, she is a really great person. I mean her no ill will and no disrespect. We just weren't made for each other.) But, it is over. So, onward I go into the great (or not so great) unknown. It is time to walk the walk. It is time to talk the talk. It is time to dance the dance. It is the time for leaping buildings in a single bound. I really need to work on my ab's. Damn.
I have many theories about dating. I have had plenty of time to think about it and the pros and cons. I know that the timing of this breakup wasn't ideal. We could have held on through Halloween and Thanksgiving. Her and I looked good together and we took nice pictures. Then, we could have broken it off before Christmas and both saved some nice coin on presents and simplified our holiday travel plans. But, it wasn't meant to be that way. No, I am in dating limbo. I have officially been single for 3 1/2 weeks. So, in the view of single women, perhaps that isn't long enough to be dating again. I don't really disagree with them except for one thing: I am really bored now.
Aside from that, there really is no sense in starting a new relationship until after Thanksgiving at the earliest. That way neither my newest soon to be ex-girlfriend or I will have to spend much for each other's Christmas gifts. If I could make it until the first of the year, then I might as well wait until after Valentine's Day. So much to think about...
Really, though, were do I begin? Since I am a non-drinker I really don't like hanging out in the bar to try to meet somebody. So, what to do? Do I do the online dating thing? I mean, I see the people on the commercials that "aren't actors" and look normal and really happy. Did it seriously work for them? Is the happiness and excitement in their gaze only because they were finally able to hook up and quit paying for the damn service? Ha. Perhaps. I see in most of those commercials it says match on this date and married on this date. Is that really everyone's ultimate goal? To get married? I think most divorced people would agree that the whole "until death do us part" thing really gets you nowhere even with a lot of wishful thinking. It's a scam.
I don't think I am cool enough for the single women of today. Don't get me wrong, I know I am witty and at least average looking. It isn't that. What I don't get are all the unwritten dating "rules" that people seem to abide by but nobody knows who created. Do you want examples? Okay.
If you get a message from a chick and you can see that she's online and she can see that you're online, what do you do knowing that she can tell if you read the message?
Do you:
A. Log out and not read the message.
B. Read the message but under no circumstances respond right away.
C. Read the message and respond right away if you want.
I would pick "C" all day long every day. Why piss around and waste time? I'm not getting any younger, you know? I could drop dead whilst waiting to look "cool."
How about this? You find somebody that you think is interesting, so you message them. Do you:
A. Make some cheesy comment about some physical attribute of theirs or the weather?
B. Ask a question about something in their profile that interested you?
C. Write some random sputtered fragmented sentences that have little or nothing pertaining to the person? The more random the better.
This is a trick question, since they are all wrong answers. I have failed with all of these attempts in the past. With "A" I got a comment of how she was sure I just copy/pasted this from my last 20 girls I messaged. The was WAY off base since I really only messaged her and I was only very cautious about my comments because of the response I got from "B." With "B" girl, she had a very interesting hobby. I asked her about her interesting hobby and I got about a four word annoyed sounding answer with the attitude of "What could you possibly want to know about THAT for?!?" Also, "What am I being interviewed?" Well, if you don't want people to ask about your own hobbies, take them out of your profile. I did have a little success with "C." I got a few more friendly messages out of my "C" answers, but after a couple messages up and back, I got the dreaded "you're weird" and "you're too high strung for me." So...what to do?
So, here I am. Back at square one. But, I am dusted off. I am not nearly as determined as I am persistent. I think a single person in this small community will have a challenging time finding somebody they are really interested in. There probably is the potential to be a little interested in about 2% of the available single people. Then, you throw in a non-drinker, non-smoker for me and that removes about 97% of the remaining people. Then, you add my other ridiculous criteria like "must speak and write in complete sentences" and "must have a job" and "must be trustworthy" and that eliminates about 95% of the people remaining. Wait...there isn't anyone left.
Oh well. A wise man once said "If sheep could only cook."
